So i’m now on my second pregnancy battling with hyperemesis, with my older boys i simply had morning sickness and boy was that easy compared to this! Without going on about exactly what hyperemesis is its essentially a debilitating illness that only affects 1-3% of pregnant women.. aren’t i so lucky :). It causes dehydration, excessive sickness/vomiting and essentially makes you bed bound. Many women end up in hospital on a drip as well as losing over 5% of their body weight.
I am lucky in the sense that i’m never actually sick but i feel sick 24/7 every single day! Not only is this illness physically draining its mentally exhausting, you end up becoming isolated and feelings of depression set in. Basic things such as washing or brushing my hair are the biggest challenge most days and if i have gone to the gym its because in that moment i felt semi ok… 1 hour later i feel horrid, faint and need to lay on the sofa. Suffering with this and caring for my 3 children is the hardest thing and also makes me feel very guilty most days because i simply feel so awful i could cry, i cant play, talking is hard because i want to throw up, i’m tired but more mentally than physically and i feel low. The kids don’t understand obviously which makes it harder.
I do have my better days which usually means my sickness stays away for a bit before causing me grief but 80% of the time i feel rotten from the minute i wake to the minute i get into bed. I also have my bad days as far as mental health goes, i have very very low days where i sit and cry because i’m so fed up of feeling this way. Followed by the better days of course but those down days are hard. No one really understands so cant relate to how you are feeling simply because so few women actually suffer with it, most can only compare to morning sickness which let me tell you…. IS NOT COMPARABLE.
I am truly grateful to be pregnant after my losses but i currently hate being pregnant and i’m wishing my time away so i can simply eat and drink as normal and be able to interact with the kids like i used to. I simply keep reminding myself daily that the end will come, thats the only thing i can do to try and stop myself going deeper into a dark hole. Seeing my children every day is another reminder of why i am doing this and that i will have a baby in my arms at the end of all of this suffering which is truly worth it.
Im now just taking each day as it comes and focussing on the day i last an entire day without the dreaded sickness.